January 20, 2016

This week is and will always be a fucked up sort of week.  On this day four years ago, I was wheeled into an OR to say goodbye to what would have been Baby #2 (I think of her as Ruby Blue). I dreamed of her once, a child with long blonde curls. This morning, Piper and Jack still asleep, I took to a fresh page in my notebook (one of many pretty, empty notebooks) and started writing her a letter. An update on her brother and sister, and how much I’ll always love her so.

During the healing process my small black heart morphed into a dark blue heart, incomplete in the middle. And I love it.

 

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