This is where I disappear
Turn into a ghost
Slowly erase my digital footprint
Melt into hot pavement
Under the summer sun
Lose myself in backyard excavations
Slicing through weeds
Moving dead branches
Hauling out the debris of the long-dead
The rusted mattress springs
The abandoned pots and broken china
The brown glass bottles and dried up paint cans.
In time I will clean out my cluttered mind
Find a place to file all of you away safely
Make space for what is needed
For light and confidence
For getting back to myself and my babies.
I’d like to say all of you were special,
And some truly were,
But
Like the tree frog
I sought you out for warmth
Until the sun warmed my shoulders again.
Like the snake
I’d like to shed this dead skin now
Emerge anew
Love myself a little
Seek out someone who wants more
If we can make it work
This time around.
I’m following my stupid heart again
And it has no patience.
My brain moves slower
(and forward focused)
Like the turtle crossing the road last night;
My car missed it
But instead of stopping to move it
I kept driving
Thinking I’d save it later
If it was still there on my walk.
Later
I found it
Entrails stretched out over the road
Shell broken in two
Egg smashed over asphalt.
by Julie Blue 