People always ask me what low blood sugar feels like. Sometimes I forget when I’m not in the middle of it, but if it’s the middle of the night, like tonight, I wake up feeling a little “off,” and sometimes I mistake it for just being cold (when really it’s a cold sweat, or the start of one). To me, it’s the feeling of death, looming. Eating is the only way to fight it. Here are my thoughts in the midst of it:

The problem is, waiting for the low to subside while the juice box kicks in feels like an eternity. I still have this scary cold sweat in the meantime, and it makes me want to eat everything in my kitchen, to make it go away.

This time instead of everything, I’ve eaten two mini Mr. Goodbars, and I wait. I wait to feel normal again. Itchy feeling in my mouth. This is me, age 39 and change, April 11, 2019, 3:06am, t1d, caffeine free, sober, low blood sugar of unknown number. I stayed out of the kitchen instead of going in there, where my glucose meter is, so I wouldn’t eat all my snacks and wake up high, again. That’s what always happens. I’m a rollercoaster on repeat.